You know what I miss the most about being a kid? That feeling of being untouchable, the feeling that nothing could hurt me because I was just a kid. The ignrance and bliss. I'm not talking about broken bones, or cuts or scrapes, bruises, those things were minor. As a kid I'd shed a few tears and be done with it. I'm talking about that feeling of being immortal, unbreakable, almost omnipotent. The thinking that bad things only happen to other people, bad people.

I mean as you get older, you grown and change mentally and realize that is not the way things really are. I know now that bad things can happen to me, bad things do happen to me, and try as you might to not let them effect you, it does, and there's no way to stop it. These things shape you as a human being and mold you into the person you are today and will be in the future. It's entirely up to you how you react to these things. You can either choose to rise above, and keep heading forward, keep moving in the direction you want you life to move in, or you can let it beat you. Starting a downward spiral into something much worse, into despair and depression. The problem is that although the choice doesn't appear hard to make, it's constantly harder to acheive. Ever instance makes it harder to keep your head held high. Every time something bad happens it gets harder and harder to rise above it, and easier and easier to just let it slid. Life went from something simple easy and generally happy, to being something rough, unforgiving and difficult in what seems like a matter of minutes.

I would give everything and nothing to be like a kid again. To know for a fact, whether that knowledge is true or false, that I was untouchable. To know that there is a reason bad things happen, and that's because who ever it was happening to was indeed a bad person. Although in my childlike metality I might have classified myself as a bad person. I mean a bad person was someone who didn't go to church on sunday, didn't believe in god, didn't listen to their parents. Someone who broke the rules, maybe not all, but some. Bad people were the ones who smoked, did drugs, didn't wait til marriage to have sex. People who swore, got tattoos, had earrings places other then their ears. People without jobs or money, people who drank too much. Many of the things I myself have done at one time or another.

So maybe that's why the feeling of power, control and invinciblity has been lost. I've wised up and realized that those things do not make a bad person. Those things are merely choices that are made in a life time. Good people make mistakes, good people can not be judged solely on their choices, it is not the choices themselves that make a person good or bad, but the thought and drive behind those choices. I mean a murderer is sent to jail for being a bad person, yet if one was to take a life to protect their own, that's called self defense. It's the primal animal instinct of it's either me or them. When threatened, an animal, humans included, will rarely roll over and just die. We fight. We fight until all hope is lost. It's the ones that never had that hope to begin with that just accept their fate and let time forget they ever existed.

That's the one thing I have left now. I know I can be hurt, I know bad things happen to good people, I know bad things can and will happen to me. I'm not blessed, I don't live in some sort of perfect little bubble. I've still got hope though. Hope that if I hold on and I keep searching, keep telling myself I'm not beaten yet, things will eventually get better. In that hope I have the will to keep fighting, to keep showing the world that I haven't yet been beaten, and everytime I start to slip, I know I can find a foot hold, that one thing that I can look at and grab onto to pull myself back up. The only issue is that that thing, the foot hold is always changing. Never the same twice.